5 Tips to Negotiating Salary as a Woman in the Workplace
Learn how to determine your market value and how to fix the gender wage gap in the workplace!
It’s been nearly 10 years since Sara Laschever and Linda Babcock launched a new phase of the women’s movement. Laschever and Babcock's book: Women Don’t Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide, explores the gender wage gap. The authors discuss how women lag behind their male colleagues when it comes to negotiating salary, bonuses, promotions, and perks. The reason behind this gender pay gap is quite simple. Women aren't taught to ask for these things when negotiating their offers.
It's no secret that women don’t like negotiating salary—and they aren’t going to like it anytime soon. This fact shouldn’t be a surprise to any of us.
Our culture has made women reluctant to do anything perceived as "self-serving". In the rare cases where a woman works up the nerve to negotiate her salary, she's likely to experience “gender blow-back”. This is a subtle—but powerful—punishment for stepping outside traditional gender roles.
The good news is, you can learn how to fix the gender wage gap. The solutions to this problem can even be easily applied. As a woman, learning tips to negotiating salary will help you overcome the gender pay gap.
Next time you're negotiating salary, don't let it overwhelm you. Remember: negotiation is simply a conversation leading to an agreement. Next time you're negotiating salary, make sure you:
Learn how to determine your market value
Ask the right "diagnostic questions"
Frame your proposals as mutually beneficial
Stand your ground
Practice your skills
Here’s a process that my partner, Lisa Gates, and I have found consistently delivers better results for women. When you’re willing to step up to the plate and seek compensation that reflects your value, you will learn how to fix the gender wage gap.
1. Learn how to determine your market value
As women, there are many reasons why we tend to underestimate our worth. One simple fact is simply that we’ve gotten used to being paid 20 to 30 percent less than our male colleagues.
You need to first get a handle on how to determine your market value—that is independent of your gender. Once you discover this, you're working towards more productive negotiation conversations.
Don't let the idea of negotiating salary overwhelm you. A negotiation is simply a conversation between two or more people, where the purpose is to reach a mutually beneficial agreement.
The good news for women is that we tend to love good conversations, and we’re also pretty fond of agreement. Just because we hate the word “negotiation” so much, let’s just call it a conversation from here on out.
2. Ask the right “diagnostic questions”
If you want to reach an agreement when negotiating salary, you need to know what the other party wants. You need to learn their needs, desires, fears, preferences, and priorities. An easy way to do this is by asking open-ended questions that reveal the other party's true wants.
Professor Leigh Thompson at the Northwestern University Kellogg School of Business studies negotiations. Thompson learned 93 percent of all negotiators fail to ask “diagnostic questions”. Asking these questions would significantly improve outcomes.
Thompson's research shows the skilled 7 percent of negotiators get ahead, simply by asking the right questions. One of the most important tips to negotiating salary is asking open-ended questions.
3. Frame your proposals as mutually beneficial
Once you know what your negotiation partner wants, you can offer to provide it right from the start.
Remember Oliver, the orphan shamed for asking for another spoon of gruel? If Oliver had begun his negotiation by offering rather than asking, he could have ended up with a much better breakfast.
Imagine if Oliver had approached the headmistress with an offer to clean the dining hall and polish the flatware after breakfast... “I’d be able to include a shoe shine for both you and the headmaster if I only had a little additional gruel, and perhaps an egg for energy".
Perhaps Oliver wouldn’t have gotten everything he wanted that way. But, he would've had a far better chance.
Next time you find yourself ready to negotiate, be sure to start off noting the benefits you can provide. One of the most important tips to negotiating salary successfully, is how you frame your ask.
4. Stand your ground when negotiating salary
Have you tried all the above tips, but nothing seems to work? I’m not surprised. I’ve had some pretty high-flying executive clients shamed for seeking a 20 percent raise. But I’ve also seen them walk through that shame, resulting in 30 to 40 percent increases in pay.
If you know how to stand your ground, or as I like to say play “tit for tat," you will go far in the salary negotiation process. When you stand your ground, your negotiation partner often feels guilty for having a temper. They regret getting angry by you simply asking for what you deserve.
“I’m surprised that you’re angry," one of my clients said to her negotiation partner after I’d taught her this strategy. “I assumed a law firm as prestigious as yours was paying market rates." On another occasion, she used silence. This brought not only a quick apology—but an additional concession as well.
Next time you find yourself having to respond to insults when negotiating salary:
Respond with dignity
Penalize your negotiation partner for their outburst with a proportional punishment
Quickly return to cooperation when they apologize
By implementing these steps, you can turn your superior’s harrumph into your triumph in short order.
5. Consistently practice negotiation
You can't expect to learn everything about negotiating your salary overnight. It takes practice, and every situation is different.
I encourage you to practice your skills and learn more about the psychology behind negotiation. I recommend that you pick up Laschever’s and Babcock’s second book, titled "Ask for It!". In this book, the authors describe negotiation as a workout. Just like you stay active to keep your muscles in shape, negotiation is the same. It is a skill that needs practice in order to develop.
Start by recognizing that every time you pull out your wallet, you have the ability to practice negotiation. You’ll find most retail establishments will negotiate even though we’re a price-tag culture. At the least, most stores will offer to set a purchase aside until an upcoming sale. I’ve negotiated at Bloomingdales and Macys in this manner and it’s worked every time.
Our biggest tips to negotiating salary are to start small and build your skillset over time. Before you know it, you'll be confidently asking for what you want and deserve. You won't have to spend another minute without worrying about how to fix the gender wage gap!