Fearless Asking #2: Reckoning with Itty Bitty Sh!tty Committee (video)
The small voice (inside you) that calls out, "Watch out for that open manhole!" also often says, "Who do you think you are?" or "You'll ruin your reputation and relationship if you ask for what you want."
I call it the Itty Bitty Sh!tty Committee - the saboteur that keeps us safe from harm, both real and imagined.
The pitfall in heeding the voice of self-doubt, when you get anxious about making your ask, is that you can fall into the 3-A trap:
- Accommodating others, not saying no or setting boundaries
- Avoiding the uncomfortable conversation
- Attack when the resentment and anger boil over
To side step the 3-A trap, I invite you to reckon with the Itty Bitty Sh!tty Committee.
If you're afraid of being called selfish, greedy and aggressive for asking, could the opposite be also true?
- Might you be selfless to risk your reputation to ask for something that serves your higher purpose?
- Might you be generous in sharing with others how they can help you, because they want to help but don't know how?
- Might you be gentle and open in your negotiation conversation? (Don't mistake gentle with passive. You can be fierce and gentle at the same time).
Remember that negotiation is not about manipulation or confrontation. It's simply a conversation with the intention of reaching agreement where everyone has the right to say no.
P.S. Would you like to learn more and practice the skills of mutual benefit negotiation? Come join me at the first experiential workshop of the year, Strategic Conversations: How to Influence, Negotiate and Lead at Work Social on 1/31/18.