What are you craving? Balance again? Seriously? What about purpose? Joy? Organization? Flex? Productivity? A great oatmeal cookie? A belly laugh? Health? Happiness? A job? A raise? Children? Vacation? Savings? Lung capacity? Fresh air? Conversation?
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Your boss is the poster child for the wage gap and career milquetoast. She doesn’t want to rock the boat, ask for too much, or appear greedy and ungrateful.
She is not awake, not conscious.
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Too much preparation and thinking can kill the actor’s connection with other actors, and impair his/her ability to respond authentically in the moment.
The actor needs to toss the mechanics and perform—interact with other characters and the audience—to realize the full potential of the play.
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It’s the same with negotiation. While the process is full of planning and at the table strategies and tactics, it is primarily a communication discipline in which the craft disappears in favor of conversation.
The Boston Globe reports today that women physician-scientists lose more than $350,000 in salary over the course of a 30-year career and much of the blame is being placed on women’s failure to ask.
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“The best way to break negotiation impasse,” Lou casually observed as we waited in the wings, “is to finesse the impasse by transforming it into an opportunity to make a different deal.”
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Several years ago, one of the authors of Women Don’t Ask, Linda Babcock, joined with a group of grad students and lodged a complaint against Carnegie Mellon University claiming that only men in the university’s PhD program in economics were teaching courses on their own, whereas the women were working only as teaching assistants.
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Women, says Ury, have a bargaining advantage because they’re “more tuned to relationships.” That’s a strength in an economy that is discarding its old top-down pyramid structure and replacing it with loose, horizontal structures that depend on the maintenance of good on-going relationships.
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We get a lot of raised eyebrows when we tell our students and clients to anchor first and anchor high in salary negotiations. Our advice runs contrary to the gallons of ink spilled by those who caution that first anchors can augur your chances into the ground.
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It’s never too early for Gen-Y women to work on a long-term strategic career plan, particularly if they are interning without pay (against my advice!) or are working a low-paid non-career job to pay the rent.
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Master negotiators say the negotiation doesn’t truly begin until the parties reach impasse.
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