Whether you’re interviewing for a new role, or #negotiating a promotion—stories induce the listener to feel something, and to make a decision about you with their heads and their hearts.
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She analyzed what could possibly be so urgent before calling, figuring the worst case scenario would be a rescinded offer. She was correct.
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What if you’re now in a job search at say 53? How do you convince the 35-year-old manager you’ll be sitting down with that you are unavoidably perfect? That the double whammy of age (bias) and no advanced degree are non-issues?
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asking "So what" allows you to connect the personal to the professional, and perhaps even the social and political. And this is why we say learning to negotiate is so transformational.
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Imagine these two (paraphrased) research statistics being bookends on a young woman’s “bookshelf of life.”
The single biggest predictor of poverty among women is the birth of their first child.
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Putting off having children for 10 years doubles a young woman’s lifetime earnings.
I know deep down you know how valuable you are. You’re smart, you’re fast. You’re well loved. You have degrees and credentials. And experience. You can look back on your career and tick off a passel of accomplishments. You are a store of value and the shelves are stocked full.
So why are you:
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Avoiding conflict, however, can be damaging and deprive us of opportunity. Overcoming conflict requires courage. It takes courage to acknowledge our human fallibility, acknowledge wrongdoings, make amends and reconcile with our fellows.
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What are you craving? Balance again? Seriously? What about purpose? Joy? Organization? Flex? Productivity? A great oatmeal cookie? A belly laugh? Health? Happiness? A job? A raise? Children? Vacation? Savings? Lung capacity? Fresh air? Conversation?
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Too much preparation and thinking can kill the actor’s connection with other actors, and impair his/her ability to respond authentically in the moment.
The actor needs to toss the mechanics and perform—interact with other characters and the audience—to realize the full potential of the play.
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It’s the same with negotiation. While the process is full of planning and at the table strategies and tactics, it is primarily a communication discipline in which the craft disappears in favor of conversation.
We get a lot of raised eyebrows when we tell our students and clients to anchor first and anchor high in salary negotiations. Our advice runs contrary to the gallons of ink spilled by those who caution that first anchors can augur your chances into the ground.
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Master negotiators say the negotiation doesn’t truly begin until the parties reach impasse.
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